Is it true that a man shouldn't need to get physical?
Friday, January 28, 2022
04:00 PM - 07:00 PM
Some say that a man should not need to get physical to retain control. I have seen that attitude many times, even on this site. The idea is that it all takes place in the mind, so the man should not need to use any physical means of control. If he does so, the argument goes, there is something inherently weak in him, or something childish in the woman.
The physical part of the relationship with my husband takes place in many, many forms. We have spanking, sex – so many forms of physical contact, really. They all mesh together to form our physical relationship. We both think that our relationship is very healthy and we are quite happy with it.
To me, saying the man should not need to get physical to exert his control is like saying that he should not need to touch you to bring you to orgasm. I have heard that orgasms can take place all in the mind, but does that mean that to be a truly great lover you should bring your lover to orgasm each and every time using her mind only? I understand that the mind is important in orgasms; at least it is for me. Sex is not purely a physical act for me. A great deal takes place in my head. I know because if my head is in the wrong space, then orgasm will likely not occur.
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It may be possible for my husband to bring me to orgasm without touching me. We have never tried this so I do not know. But I think he is a truly excellent lover because he knows my body so well. He knows how to take control of sex, he knows how to touch me, where, for how long. He has a tremendous amount of insight into my sexual nature. It is very exciting. I want him to touch me; I want to feel sex on more than a mental level. Neither of us are immature lovers because we choose to use physical contact in our love making. Yes he knows what to say too, he knows how to manipulate the situation so that my head is in the right headspace. It is the right combination of mental and physical that makes sex so truly wonderful for us. This explanation most people would quickly understand.
For us his control in our relationship is the exactly the same way. He needs to know the right mix of mental and physical experiences to make his control in our relationship a truly wonderful experience. I think it is just like in sex, some people like their toes touched, some hate it, some like their hair touched, some hate it, and the list is endless. Well when it comes to people who like Taken In Hand relationships there are many forms of physical and mental control that will work or not work for each couple. It is up to them to decide, very likely through trial and error, which forms work best for them. Because when you enjoy the control of a man, when he gets it right it can be as good as an orgasm. It can feel that good for us.
We would never use many of the things that others use. That does not make what we do any more or less mature than what others do. The whole idea that this is childish does not fit us at all. It is all part of our adult sexual nature: that inherently makes it mature for us. When I am over his knee for something serious I do not think that he is treating me like a child. I think that he knows exactly what to do; so that we feel the control, he needs to make his control in our relationship the most it can be. And yes if he asked me to stand in a corner I would. I have never had fantasies about that, but if he decided that is what needed to be done to exert his control then I would do it. It would be sexy and adult then because it would be about our adult sexual relationship.
We very much enjoy my husband's control in our relationship. We have found that with him in the lead, our life in general is so much better. This is not because I am too immature to run the show, but because his actual physical control of the relationship touches us in so many ways on so many levels. I do not need to obey him to get through life in one piece. But I do like it when he insists that I do obey him and is willing to emphasise what he expects using physical control. This hands on approach works for us. I know it is not for everyone, but liking it in your life is not more or less mature. There are many ways for a man to take a woman in hand. It is a truly great leader who can learn and understand what his woman responds to the most. It is just the same with sex: a truly great lover knows what his woman responds to the most and is willing to do it.
I am completely sure you are not speaking for me because you are wrong. This may be true FOR YOU, but it is not true for me. The physical part is as necessary for me to feel his control as touching is to have an orgasm. You are right that spanking is not the same as orgasm, but I would like to add that spanking for me is not equal to control either. For me, my husband’s control is expressed through a combination of physical and mental activities.
I am not saying that everyone should require physical contact to have control. If they do not wish it, then obviously the mix for them would be all mental and no physical. I surely do not feel in the least bit slighted by that. What works for them is fine for them. I am glad that they have found a way to fill their own needs. I have found my own way. You say, and you have said before to me specifically, that the physical part of my relationship is not what I need, only what I want. What I would like to know is how on earth you could presume to know this about me? How would you know what I need to feel satisfied in my private relationship with my husband? I know that I am the expert between us when I am discussing my own private relationship. You may be an expert on many things, but my relationship and my needs are not one of them.
The point of my post was that needing a mix of physical and mental activities was not anymore mature or any less mature than needing only mental. Neither is right or wrong and nowhere did I suggest that. I simply said that FOR ME, to fully experience my husband's control I needed a mix of physical and mental, just the same as during sex to reach an orgasm. My arguement is not completey off track; I know this is true for me, because I am the one thinking and writing it.
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